An Idiot's Guide To Becoming A Cat Lady
By Betty Zhang
*yells gibberish and throws cat at you*
1. Get Chosen By The Cat Lady Life*
*This is more or less an euphemism for 'Realise That Thou Art Forever Alone'.
2. Get A Cat
It all begins here.
3. Love Thy Cat
Bring thy cat everywhere.
4. Get More Cats
Straight from the streets.
5. Love Thy Cats
Pat 'em, feed 'em, get more of 'em, repeat.
6. Don A Bathrobe, Never Change
Never ever change thy chosen outfit, for it is to become thy trademark look.
7. Isolate Thyself From Thy Community
Hate everyone, love every cat.
8. Scare The Neighbourhood Kids
Speak gibberish. Throw cats. Never brush hair. Always wear bathrobe. Be unfriendly and be fierce, for thou art a cat lady in the making.
9. Gain And Cement Thy Reputation As The Cat Lady
By continuing to scare those neighbourhood kids, isolating thyself, wearing thy tatty bathrobe and loving thy cats.
10. Congrats, Thou Art A Cat Lady!
Stay crazy, stay single, love thy cats.