An Idiot's Guide To Becoming A Cat Lady

By Betty Zhang

*yells gibberish and throws cat at you*

  • 1. Get Chosen By The Cat Lady Life*

    *This is more or less an euphemism for 'Realise That Thou Art Forever Alone'.

  • 2. Get A Cat

    It all begins here.

  • 3. Love Thy Cat

    Bring thy cat everywhere.

  • 4. Get More Cats

    Straight from the streets.

  • 5. Love Thy Cats

    Pat 'em, feed 'em, get more of 'em, repeat.

  • 6. Don A Bathrobe, Never Change

    Never ever change thy chosen outfit, for it is to become thy trademark look.

  • 7. Isolate Thyself From Thy Community

    Hate everyone, love every cat.

  • 8. Scare The Neighbourhood Kids

    Speak gibberish. Throw cats. Never brush hair. Always wear bathrobe. Be unfriendly and be fierce, for thou art a cat lady in the making.

  • 9. Gain And Cement Thy Reputation As The Cat Lady

    By continuing to scare those neighbourhood kids, isolating thyself, wearing thy tatty bathrobe and loving thy cats.

  • 10. Congrats, Thou Art A Cat Lady!

    Stay crazy, stay single, love thy cats.